A Writer’s Issues

I’m Easily Influenced

The Problem

I have issues. I know that’s hard to believe, but I have. I will invariably procrastinate when I should be writing. For many people, this is par for the course, but for me it shouldn’t be. I never get writer’s block and I never ever struggle to form a story. The opposite occurs most of the time in that I can’t get them out fast enough – I really should’ve learnt to type.

The Solution

Music. The answer is always music. I have a playlist for every occasion, in fact, Spotify are probably sick of seeing me. My routine includes pulling up the leatherette storage box I place my feet on — I can’t sit with my legs down — emptying it of my laptop’s power lead, headphones and reading glasses, turning on the laptop, bottle of water by my side and we’re off.
The problem comes in getting my headphones off the chair arm and onto my head. As soon as they do, even without turning the music on, I’m off like a shot. So why do they struggle to get there?

Genetics

I blame genetics for my headphone issues. Man that’s me was never meant to wear headphones. Because we are ancient hunter gatherers, it makes sense that the distraction caused by wearing headphones, which could seriously impede our Mammoth meat hunting abilities, is therefore unnatural to our bodies. Plus we wouldn’t notice sabretooth tigers sneaking up on us. Now, you might think this an excuse, but have you ever seen a Neanderthal wearing headphones? I rest my case.

The Point

So, what’s the point of this needless ranting and mumbo-jumbo clap trap I’m spouting. Well, I’ll tell’s ya. I’ll tell’s ya good. Today, I added to my list of many text editors (they’re the only thing I spend money on and even then not unless I have to,) with a little Mac and IOS app called Tabula. The app claims that just by the positioning of the text in your work it can identify and format accordingly whatever you write even to lists and sub-headers etcetera, etcetera. I didn’t believe it. I wished to prove them wrong. So, I chose a subject and style that had lots of each. This.

What I Did

You guessed it. Their statement double-dared me to get my headphones on and write. I did. This segmented literary masterpiece is the result. And what of the formatting of my work and all the claims I was ready to denounce and hail as charlatans. Goddamn them, they were right; it worked. Ah, well, at least I’m doing what I love. 

Your favourite hunter gatherer, mumbo-jumbo talking writer.
Richard

Richard M. Ankers
Author of The Eternals Series.

The Eternals

Hunter Hunted

PS: Tabula had nothing to do with the writing or sponsoring of this post, however, if they want to pay me a small fortune for doing it, I regretfully accept.

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22 thoughts on “A Writer’s Issues

  1. Well, perhaps I will give them a go if they come up with the reimbursement for your unsolicited review (let me know) . I know I can count on you not to steer me wrong. I often write to music too, it’s very inspirational.
    Thank you Richard.

  2. There are plenty of Neanderthals wearing headphones in the wilds of Lincolnshire. They are generally invisible to their kin, seeming to wander, trancelike, whilst worshipping at the churches of Apple or Samsung.

    They have spawned an interesting subspecies, known locally as Chavs, who creep up on pavement dwellers to show off their favourite baggy-knee track suit bottoms.

    Luckily, I have no need to interact with either species as I drive past in my locked car. Unless you count the interesting hybrid of the two in the passenger seat, otherwise known as ‘teenage boy’.

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