The Annoying Thing About Glasses (A Personal Post)

Now, you may think me a competent person… What do you mean, you don’t? Goddamn! Anyhow, I have an inbuilt mechanism that makes me rather robotic. I can and prefer to do things a set way — it’s just the way I am.

As luck would have it, most things I do, I usually do right straightaway. If I do, I shall always do them right. I can write something, put that writing away, then come back a year later and continue with an exact same sentence that if I’d checked a few lines further on is already there. Freak!

In real life, I was and still am good at sport — I’m good at editing, too, because that was almost ‘sprot’ — particularly anything that involved balance. I loved football, rugby, cricket, running and the list goes on, and I’m lucky to say I was good at them all without ever really trying. I write this to illustrate that I am not a bumbler.

So, why tell you all these personal details and eccentricities? Answer: to highlight my failings. I’ve found my nemesis: reading glasses.

About six months ago, I bought my first pair of reading glasses. It never bothered me having to wear them and still doesn’t. If ever given the chance to wear sunglasses, I’ve always jumped at it, as the pinching effect on my nose and general lessening of glare helps me avoid the headaches that wreck my life. This has continued with reading glasses. However, and referring back to earlier, I do things a certain way. I also like things to be just so. I can’t stand my glasses being dirty, smudged, breathed on, or any other such impairment of vision. Unfortunately, from the very first time I touched them and because of my aforementioned foibles, I can’t stop putting fingerprints on them. I’ve done it wrong once and always shall. It drives me mad!

I can hold my glasses at their furthest points and slip them on my head from distance: they’ll be smudged. I can wipe away all forms of residue and have them breathed upon before they even get near me. I can use the softest cloths, the best wipes or even wear gloves and still my glasses will be smudged. It is failing I have. I am ashamed of this inability.

One day, I hope to correct this truly irritating quirk. I will approach my glasses case, unzip them, remove my specs and place them on my head to a view of crystal clarity and smile at my aceness (I just made that word up). ‘Tis a dream I have. Ah, one day.

I’m sorry if this baring of self has disappointed anyone, really, I am. If you view me any less, I apologise. But know this, by the time you’ve finished reading this story, I’ve already smudged my glasses enough times to make me red with rage. Yet still, I write. Yet still, I try.

Richard

King of Smudges.

Advertisements

81 thoughts on “The Annoying Thing About Glasses (A Personal Post)

  1. My son, Michael, wears glasses, Richard. They are always dirty, smudged and full of fingerprints. He removes them with one hand. It drives me crazy and I am always taking them and cleaning them – it doesn’t help. He wears them for 2 minutes and they are dirty again. I can so relate – from a distance.

  2. Oh gosh I love this. So my trick is to use hot soapy water and wash the smudges away using a clean towel and usually that clears them away. My eye doctor showed me that. I also have computer screen smudges. I tend to point and touch the screen too. I love this post my friend! I’ve missed our talks! 🙂 I know you are crazy busy! Hooray for that! 🙂

      1. 😂😂 I’m so sorry that your glasses struggles now have you questioning your entire existence. Rest assured, however, that nerds are absolutely delicious.
        The candy, right? 😉

  3. Dear King of Smudges, I understand your angst over aforementioned smudging of reading implements, and it is truly a pickle. I do hope you will see, that what comes in time from those smudged roars, is surely, a whole kingdom of wonder. Yours lovingly, Princess of Rain Puddles xxx (and PS I’m like Muttley too! har har!)

      1. Most def. I often think of Muttley (why?) I just used to laugh so much with his urf urf urf I guess he was truly funny versus so much these days, I still think the old Pink Panther films with Peter Sellers are among the funniest ever. Can beat the real thing.

      2. YES! My favorite part I think it’s the first film, when he goes into the manor, testing out the gym stuff, being a plonker, he says ‘oh zee ole parallel barz’ he swings on the bars, sings ‘I remember’ in a bad french accent, and swings over the side not knowing there are stairs there and falls down. SO BRILLIANT!

      3. YES! And the part where he’s the Godfather and he spits out his cheeks choking. THAT FACE. But the most hilarious is when Kato thinks he’s dead and makes a brothel of his former home and he comes in and they fight. Or the one where they are fighting because he told Kato ‘always attack me as practice’ and they do that sl0w-motion flying through the air part, with the sound. It’s the sound that slays me.

      4. Or where Inspector Drafus cuts his finger off with the cigar cutter because he’s gone quietly mad 😉 OR where they are in the mini and naked from the nudist colony and get stuck in traffic !

      5. YES! Or when he’s gone mad and is put in the lunatic asylum. I mean really? did we get anything in our lives that wasn’t from those films? The one where he’s wooing the wife of the pink panther and he’s like ‘mi amor’ and she’s all grossed out by him and he’s ‘trying’ to be romantic and keeps setting fire to things!

  4. Man, you are nuts. You gave all those great examples of a person a.k.a you and now you start crying about the freaking galsses..man oooo man, (wink wink, I’m winking at ya) but it is sort of kind of truth. Was funny though.

  5. I’ve worn glasses since I was a kid. It took years of practice. Even still, sometimes I’ll miss the mark and end up with a smudge and have to clean them off or I won’t be able to see. Unfortunately, it takes practice. And try to hold your breath while you’re sliding them on your face.

  6. I sympathise. I’m shortsighted and I hate wearing glasses. I only put them on when I’d be dangerous without them. Even putting them in their case is a pain – it’s like trying to cram a spider into a matchbox.

  7. Actually, I am more interested in the glasses themselves….they are great. Nice color. As for your fingerprints — embrace your 10 year old self and ignore them….(as I wipe my nephew’s glasses with a cloth).

Leave a Reply

Please log in using one of these methods to post your comment:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s