A True Story From My Writing Life
Stardate: 18/07/2017 Richard’s front room.
It began as a tingling that I quickly dismissed as nothing. The tingling continued, so I brushed myself down and carried on typing. A little later, I thought I saw something out of the corner of my eye. ‘Pft!’ I huffed, must be going crazy. It happened again. Something black was moving. Ordinarily, I’d have jumped up and wrestled the lion or whatever it was, but I’ve had trouble with my eyes this last week, so dismissed it as wobbly-vision.
When I felt something crawling up my shorts, I took more decisive action. I placed my iPad to one side, cool as a cucumber, honest, then leapt up. A spider fell out of my shorts and legged it under my writing chair before I could get him. I was not pleased. I like my writing chair and didn’t/don’t want to move. So, the waiting game is on. Who’ll blink first? Who’ll win this war of attrition? And most of all, should I put my trousers on? These are just some of the questions I shall try to answer when I next update you on THE CREEPING TERROR!
Disclaimer: The above Pixabay.com image may or may not be an accurate representation of my foe.
Haha I hate spiders. I had one a few years back in the car whilst I was driving! Luckily I was the only car on the road!
Phew, good job!
He just wants to play…
Yeah, but what with?
*rolls eyes* You, of course!
That’s what worries me. I think I may apply baby oil all over so it skids straight off.
Stardate memo 18.7.2017: Raili’s writing room.
Spiders are friendly – honest 🙂 But if you must be rid of it, put on your pants, get a sheet of thin cardboard or paper and a glass. Yes. A glass. Both items are necessary. Creep up on the unsuspecting critter. Slap the glass over it neatly trapping it inside – pressure point here is to trap the spider, not squash it flat. That’s bad karma. It could return to haunt the insides of your shorts. Now the tricky bit is to lift the glass up just enough to slide the paper under it, neatly imprisoning it. Gently pick it up without dislodging the paper. Walk – not run – outside and set it free. You may want to practice the glass bit. And leave a door open or have someone on standby to assist. Good luck – may The Force be with you.
I can’t fit the glass under my comfy chair without lifting it up and thus rendering me one-handed. I think he might go for me if he realises I’m defenceless.
I see. This mission is proving to be more complicated than expected. You will have to call in the Arachnid Removal Team 😦
She’s not home yet, and she’s worse than me! LOL
Oh dear – I fear for you both…..
Stardate memo ammendment – the ‘its’ referred to above are (a) the spider (b) the glass.
Phasers set to kill 😝
Aye Cap’n
🕷 🔨😝
Hee hee. Be brave. 🙂
I’m like some kind of hero. I am, you know!
I’m waiting for the thrilling conclusion.
I aren’t!!!! 😳
Rubber bands around the cuffs are called for.
Good idea 👍
Hahahaha… but it was good experience.
As a one-off. 😉
Put your trousers on. You’ll need them to go outside when you BURN THE GODDAMN HOUSE DOWN!!!! It’s the ONLY way to deal with a spider attack.
I was thinking of discussing my problems with it over a nice dinner. I’m modern and refined, you see.
There is no reasoning with the spawn of satan.
Fair enough. The boot then burn it is. 🔥
You’re lucky to have just one spider to deal with. Spiders have taken over my entire house!
Oh my goodness!!!! That’s not good. Can you get rid of them?
Not really. I live in a cabin on the edge of the woods and I’ve got used to sharing my home with all sorts of critters. I do get tired of the cobwebs, though – as soon as I’ve knocked one down, they’re busy building another one in the same place. There is a positive, though – they helped inspire my kids’ book ‘The Slapstyx’ which features goblins who mess up peoples’ houses! (Sorry – couldn’t resist shameless plug)
Don’t worry, I forgive you. After all, you are on the web. 😬😳😀