50 Word Stories-Never

Once upon a never in a distant land of black, sat a King upon a throne of bones wearing a flat cap. Every citizen that saw him be it Prince, or serf, or mice just couldn’t stop their gawping, but they never did it twice.

Llamas in Pyjamas

Llamas in pyjamas
Seemed unusual, true
But llamas in pyjamas
Proved an interesting view
As llamas in pyjamas
Spat at all of the cars
Yet llamas in pyjamas
Never once spat at ours
So llamas in pyjamas
Keep on doing your thing
Then llamas in pyjamas
In my garden, keep living
Oh, llamas in pyjamas
We’re alike you and I
Yes, llamas in pyjamas
On the neighbours, we spy
But llamas in pyjamas
Best you put on some clothes
As llamas in pyjamas
All but me seem to loathe

Kicking Puddles (For Frustrated Kids At Christmas)

In the middle of a muddle

Did the rain pour down

Confusing, unamusing

It did make me frown

Expecting and respecting

That the weather would play

But I can tell you all

There’s no snow today

Waiting with my letter

By the old fireplace

Words written in crayon

Belying my sad face 

But tomorrow and my sorrow

They go hand in hand

And until I see a snowflake

The world will seem quite bland

I’m listening for the glistening 

And the jingling sound

And that funny, jolly fellow

Who is red and round

I know he’s coming someday

When the snowflakes fall

So I aren’t kicking puddles 

Till it’s white for all 

The Fear Deal

I wrote this ditty as a prelude to a later piece. The wonderful R (please check out her site it’s really very good) is apparently immune to fear. She reckons she’s unscarable. We will see. I’ll soon put my mind to that little dilemma. For now, this.

I know a girl who says she’s unscarable

That terrible tension to her is quite bearable

Regardless of daggers and monsters and ghouls

She laughs in their faces and tells them they’re fools 

But I’ve got a plan that is simply deplorable

To send such a chill as to be quite deplorable

A tale so frightening that butter will melt

And when R is writing, her words all misspelt 

Because in her folly she’s made a mad deal

The content of which, I cannot reveal

But needless to say in such things, I’m a devil

And in scaring her silly, this fellow will revel 

A Most Beautiful Witch

She hid in her house of crumbling brick

Afraid of the daylight, it made her quite sick

Afraid of the noisy, the loud and the brash

Preferring the moonlight and nights soothing sash

Caring for nature in ways we would miss

With eyes like the moon, such sweet silvered bliss

Until come one midnight, we call Halloween

She emerged to the darkness thinking unseen

With me at her coatails, enraptured, you see

By most beautiful witch there ever would be

She climbed to a tor and chanted a rhyme

But I was lost to her powers almost all the time

She turned to me glowing in magical light

And held out her hand, but not as to fright

And there in the darkness she took me to be

Her private familiar, as I didn’t flee

Forever and ever, she said, that’s our lot

And wrapped up in darkness two bats flew aloft

In night sky and moonbeams was where we remained

A man and his witch bride in faerie’s domain


Yesterday’s Lunch

A creeping, sneering, scheming bunch

They set their teeth, your bones to crunch

To masticate and chew you up

Yes, every bit even your butt

That might sound crude, a bit uncouth

But listen, friend, for here’s the truth

Those terrors in your basement deep

Are waiting for your soul to reap

So don’t go down there, don’t give in

Don’t hesitate or think to sin

For I can’t be here watching you

When I, instead, am dining too

Yes, you heard right, I’m one of they

They pulled down just yesterday

And I can feel my fangs and claws

So eager to start sampling yours

To crush and grind your form, your life

And then to start upon your wife

For now, I’ll just bid you farewell

I’ll see you later on in Hell

The Pumpkin King

With teeth ablaze and eyes alight,

With infernal grotesque delight,

The pumpkin king did crawl from ground

And catch the arm of he who found.

He said, ‘Hey, boy, where have I been?’

‘Is this the world of Halloween?’

To which the child did bow and lie,

‘It’s not, my lord, I’ll testify.’

So pumpkin king did rant and rage

And spout in ruby, golden flame

To wake him when the day was right;

The boy did swear there was no night.

Not in his world of spectral moons

There were no witches, crows or loons,

Just friendly folk who ate their greens,

Like pumpkins every Halloween.

To which the pumpkin king in shock

Did run away; no more amok.

The child had saved them all that eve

But he was late and parents peeved

Did give a slap and send to bed.

Next year he’d save the cat instead.

The Spider (Horrific & True Tales)

I took this photo myself. I apologise that I daren’t get any closer.

We have a spider

That’s ever so large

She hangs from our window

The size of a barge

I wander up to her

And peer through the glass

But all I can see 

Is her gigantic ass

She’s covered in blood

That pours from her teeth

She’s eaten the postman

But that’s a relief

She gives me the feeling

She’s biding her time

What she doesn’t know

Is that I’m biding mine

For if she does hanker

To clamber inside

I’ll splatter her good

Or sprint off and hide


Hidden in a midnight eve
Darkest vision did perceive
Heart of glass, onyx black
Devil seeking to get back
Locked me with a crimson gaze
Eyes of his, so fierce ablaze
Twisting all that I did know
Deepest thoughts hidden below
And though I wished to hasten, run
Scatter like a dying sun
I stood my ground against his will
Defied him though I felt quite ill
And turned my thoughts to you, my love
He couldn’t touch me whilst above
And though he threatened, scrambled, raged
His pleas for death, I did evade
To curse him, spiteful, send him back
The Devil failed, badass packed