Goldilocks & The Kodiak Bear (Twisted Fairytales)

 A little girl called Goldilocks
 Did stumble on a house
 The smell of porridge struck her
 Her hunger it would douse
 So in she went without a thought
 To who could be inside
 And there on the table
 The porridge she eye-spied
 So impolite, that little girl
 She scoffed it down in one
 Then sent off for a wander
 Around the house for fun
 She nosied here, she nosied there
 She snooped about the place
 Then Goldilocks grew tired
 And had needs to rest her face
 So up to bed she did retire
 Without a thought to who
 May actually be the owner
 Of the house, the bed, and loo
 Unfortunately for Goldilocks
 She didn’t lock the door
 And into house a bear did strut
 Porridge, he did adore
 But found it gone and sniffed a treat
 The bear he walked upstairs
 Where peeping out from blankets
 A pile of golden hairs
 The Kodiak took early lunch
 On the girl who’d broken in
 To house, and food, and bed
 That she taken as a sin

 (Image courtesy of Kittybaka-chan on

The Reddest Shoes (Twisted Fairytales)

Written for and inspired by Kimberly. Check out her great blog.

 How Karen loved those red shoes
 Disobeyed her adopted mother
 Wore them always to church
 Wore them whilst her mother took ill
 Even wore them to her parent’s funeral
 Showed them off to a passing soldier
 And as if by magic, Karen danced
 She pirouetted, kicked, sashayed
 Tore through streets, lanes, pastures
 Whirled over bridges, farms, battlefields
 Span until her toes bled, then feet, then legs
 Danced until an axe-man lopped her ankles off
 Waltzed away
 Wooden feet the girl had made
 But red shoes danced on, hindered
 Until, at last, humbled girl, turned to God
 He struck her down, from love
 And to Heaven she’s lifted and awakened
 As feet were back in the red shoes
 And Karen danced on, and on, and down
 To Hell
 She dances there still

 (Image courtesy

The Little Merwench (Twisted Fairytales)

 She hung around those tidal shores
 Her motto, ‘what’s mine is yours.’
 Novelty was her flapping tail
 That made her look like tiny whale.
 The sailors thought her quite the catch
 Until one day Ariel met her match.
 An absent wish saw her sprout legs!
 No longer Mer, but girl instead.
 She tried to hide this ruinous wish
 By hiding legs in water, like fish.
 But pretty soon the word got round
 And Legged Mermaid went to ground.
 Yet, one fine day a Prince came by,
 And legs of girl did catch his eye.
 But as she thought she’d snagged a royal
 The ocean did begin to roil.
 Out of sea did Ursula rise
 To see the mermaid, such surprise!
 And in her anger set a storm
 As Ariel’s tail returned, she forlorn.
 So back to sea mermaid did return,
 And previous wage that she did earn.

 (Image courtesy of annienaseem on

Hansel and Gretel, with Veg (Twisted Fairytales)

 You’d think them lost in the wood,
 But Hansel and Gretel were misunderstood.
 Nasty little children were they,
 Not wanting to sing and play.
 Instead, they pried on oldest folk,
 Lured them in whilst high on coke.
 Their aim to rob, then go to pub;
 They’d even steal the old folks grub!
 But bittern off one too many,
 As into granny’s home that looked so funny.
 Made of treats and candy canes
 The evil two had sweets on brains.
 But when they stepped into the house
 And made as though to start a rout,
 The elderly lady, who was a hag,
 Trapped them in a giant bag.
 Dragged, then to the cooking pot,
 Those terrible two found it so hot.
 And ate them did that lady Mage
 With lots of veg and pinch of sage.
 Hansel and Gretel’s reign of terror
 Was ended very much for the better.
 The old folks could feel safe again
 Although the witch got stomach pain.
 For even in death those terrible two
 Managed to spoil that perfect stew.

 (Image courtesy of Nonko on

Rumplestiltskin (Twisted Fairytales)

 Twisted, little, ugly man,
 Hold to ransom girl if can.
 Says that he will grant her wish;
 Spin gold from straw to grant her this.
 Miller’s girl, she marries King,
 As imp spins gold just for him.
 But pay she does too high a price,
 As steal her son this is his vice.
 Says that if his name she guesses
 Her son give back, the girl it vexes.
 But trick him good, she stumbles on,
 A man that knew it all along.
 Rumplestiltlskin! She shouts out loud,
 As imp does turn and snarl at crowd.
 Such anger rises up from him,
 Bestial rage of evil sins!
 He stamps right foot as madness rears,
 And up to knee it disappears.
 So angry imp, he pulls and screams,
 Until the left comes apart at seams.
 The tiny man, he splits in twain,
 And all because they guessed his name.
 Justice served on nastiest imp:
 Rumplestiltskin now dead and limp.

 (Image courtesy of grundalug on

Sleeping Angry (Twisted Fairytales)

 In prick of finger world did cease,
 And land drew breath, eternal peace.
 Castle walls accosted by thorns
 Left turrets peeking, so forlorn.
 Kingdom slept in want of knight
 To banish gloom and conquer night.
 And came he did and battled through
 The briar and spikes to get to you.
 When it came to planted kiss
 Princess awoke from infinite bliss.
 Rage and fume she did at knight
 And two of them did start to fight.
 Tumble, spin, fist and flail
 That knight had not found holy grail.
 So in defence he took her head,
 And that’s why Kingdom remains quite dead.

 (Image courtesy of Reine-Haru on

RED (Wolf Hunter) Twisted Fairytales

 Once upon a long ago
 A child stalked the woods,
 Hunting all the timberwolves,
 For them, it was no good.
 They ran at sight of little girl
 Donned in blood-red hood,
 Because their parents told them too,
 The child cared less than should.
 She’d call to them in honeyed tones,
 Coax them through the woods,
 Then pull out axe to kill them with,
 Believe, it was no dud.
 Until one wolf he took disguise
 To trick red riding hood.
 Her grandma was his face of choice,
 And laid he did, not stood.
 The girl did waltz into the room
 Her hands coated in blood,
 And slew the wolf without a thought
 You’d think she’d misunderstood.
 But know you all the girl was bad;
 Kill us all if she could!
 Be wolf, or man, or family
 She’d create a killing flood.
 And still she stalks that ancient realm,
 That reddest of all woods,
 Draped in cape of crimson hue
 That damned red riding hood.

 (Image courtesy of dizzyclown on